Mother's Day

Mother's Day, like my children's birthdays, is always a day of mixed feelings for me. I guess this is because it is really not all about me. Not that I even want it to be. It's just not the same holiday for me as it is for other mothers. To me, it's a day I share gladly with all the first moms out there--the ones who had my kids at the beginning of their lives. Some had them for longer than others. Some are living. Some are not. While I don't know details about all of them, what I can imagine is they had their own challenges and choices--choices that were no doubt difficult for one reason or the other. For the first moms that I do know personally, I know this to be true. I know it was a painful, uwanted choice for a very wanted child. This is the yin and yang of adoption. My happiness comes with someone else's sadness, and my children are in the middle.

On Mother's Day, I like to talk about the first moms, whether my kids do or not. Some are disinterested, while others who knew their moms for longer might be sad. The loss is maybe bigger on this day. I don't make it into a super big deal--I just like to mention it. I think it's important to acknowlege these other very important women openly so if there are questions I can answer them the best I can.

In adopted families, it is always about a much bigger family. Now, some may disagree with this approach, and I admit, each adoptive family has a different situation. Sometimes there are difficult facts involved and every family has to find their way around this. For our family, we're most comfortable talking openly about this. That's one of the hidden benefits of having 12 adopted kids. There's plenty of siblings to share your story with. You don't have to feel alone. I hope as they grow, they will be able to rely on each other for support and sharing.

So as I sat at the dining room table, carefully unwrapping all the wonderful school-made treasures my kids laid before me, I thought about the other moms out there and about my kids that might be missing them. I cherish each of these trinkets--the handmade placemats, the painted pots, the shoe gardens--and I wish I could share these gifts with them in some way. I always hope they aren't grieving too much and they know their children are safe and loved. And for the ones that are still with us, I hope they are doing better so that one day they can connect on this special day if that's what my children choose.